Symbiotic (an excerpt)

by Emma Stoffel ‘21

Every day Luna walks through the city to get to the subway, but they do not like it because the city is loud and full of ways to get canceled. The sky is bright grey with a few dark clouds. Suddenly, a buzz from their phone – time for the weekly cancelations. The billboards mounted on every building change over to their designated programming, and the surrounding area goes into slow motion. The President of Amer plays from the speakers. “We must take a moment to recognize everyone who must be canceled. They have defied Amer’s values and do not deserve to presume their normal lives. We must always remember to keep our community safe from hate and disruption and know that everyone is worthy.” The national anthem then plays like a broken record as various faces spanned the screen:

Ace, 32, Cusser

Caelan, 56, Liar

Jacey, 18, Racist

Macario, 23, Pervert

By the fourth or fifth name, Luna daydreams and their brain and body separate. Perhaps the weekly cancelations are the only time of day they can safely have a thought to themselves while everyone is distracted. They think about the person with the sharp jawline again. Luna itches to know their name. What would their name be? Where are they from? What color eyes do they have? Do they prefer to work at restaurants or clothing stores?

“Excuse me” a tall person was towering over Luna’s five-foot-five self. They didn’t realize they were standing right in front of the escalator unmoving, with their eyes locked on the black steps moving away without a care. 

“Oh sorry…” Luna steps out of the way.

“You are worthy,” they move past her slightly frazzled.

“… you are worthy,” Luna mumbles their reply, delayed by their fixation on the steps. 

Once on the subway, there are no seats left for Luna, so they must stand close to the wall and hold on to one of the handles. The handles line the subway car like nooses, but Luna grabs one anyway. Bumping into someone is hard to recover from if not handled properly. Most people face the wall, their heads hanging and eyes glazed over, like limp bodies. 

Luna turns to face the wall and is met with the eyes of the president. The president is frozen on a poster with their finger like a sword pointing directly at Luna, waiting, accompanied by the words,  “When in doubt, cancel them out!” When in doubt, cancel them out, when in doubt, cancel them out…  

Luna loves to hum. Their g-parent taught them when they were young. 

“It’ll be our little secret.”

“Yes g-parent.”

“Call me grandma.”

“What’s grandma?”

Luna’s parent would chastise them. Luna would try to hum only to be matched by their parent’s harsh words. Their small house had ears everywhere. 

“None of that will be in my house. Where did you learn that?”

 “Grandma taught me.”

“Luna, you are never to hum and never to say that word ever again. That is a “female” word. Do you understand?”

“Yes, parent…”  

Luna sees their subway stop. “Via Quinque.” Three more stops than their last job. 

Luna’s new job is about 7 blocks from the station. They have one more block to go when they pass a group of abandons. Sometimes there are one or two, but today there are many. A pack. They are all lying on top of one another to stay warm. Their coughs and cries are audible to any ear that would listen. Luna tries to keep their eyes down at the ground, but someone stands up. Luna walked faster. 

“Mx., Mx.,” they groan at them. “Do you have any spare water?”

(cont.)

Their words make their skin burn. Keep walking don’t look.  

“Any water at all. Please.” Eyes down.  

They turn the corner, and they are gone.

Luna feels a sigh of relief as they walk up the stairs to the museum. They have not had to pass abandons until they rotated to their new job at the museum.

When Luna arrives inside, they have to wait to go through security and receive their lunch. They see the security guard.

“Good morning.” 

“Good morning, Mx. May I see your bag?”

Luna hands their grey bag over. Every day they check for the same things – makeup or perfume, a skirt or a dress, a tie or sneakers, shaving cream or cologne. Luna never understands why. Instead, they have a strong desire to spit on the guard. Instead, they twirl their curly hair. Round and round. Luna likes their hair.

“Thank you, Mx.”

“You are worthy.”

“You are worthy.” 

WORTHY OF WHAT, Luna jokes to themselves. They find the security guards pointless; constantly having to tell people how they are worthy of a good life, even though most of them aren’t. When they worked there, they learned how mindless people are. They never found anything because there was nothing to find. No one would dare break the law. That is enough teetering on the edge of cancelation for one day, Luna thinks as they wriggle away. 

Luna works at the Museum of Natural history. Last year they worked at the Food Market. Next year they will be working at the Tech Company. Luna doesn’t know about the year after that because it has not been decided yet. Luna hopes it will not be the Teaching Place. They have a hard time with anyone younger than themselves.

They have no title at the museum because titles diminish others. Instead, they rotate positions like everyone else. Today they have to work in inventory. Their least favorite.

Luna must walk through one room before making their way to the basement. The room has a light tint to it that seems artificial. Luna wants to cough. The room makes them itch. Large figures lay broken on the ground along with pieces of cloth that are old and discolored. Still images are strategically placed just out of reach. They notice a class being toured around. The children are probably in unus grade. 

“Can we guess where we are now?”

Collectively: “The Unforgettable Forgettables Room!”

“That’s right. This is the room where we remember all of the parts of our past that were canceled. Do you see this one thing here? This used to be called a statue. Statues were bad because they told a false truth about history. This person used to be called “Honest Abe.” “Honest Abe” was one of our presidents a long time ago, long before the Changing, but they were not honest. They never truly supported ending slavery. In fact, they didn’t mind it. His Vice President even owned slaves!”

“But I thought Abe ended slavery?” A young, plucky child raises their hand.

The whole class whooshes to look at them. The child blushes choking on their words. The children repel from the child and form a circle around the wide eyes. They begin to chant.

Canceled! Canceled! Canceled!  

The fingers pointed at the child are burning daggers. There is no escape for the child; They know what is expected of them. A guard comes and takes the child away. The class continues.

Luna blinks twice and scurries into the basement.